1. Learn the “lingo” for your businesses. High level management loves lingo.
2. Focus on money, and not anything else. Money is king. Know that lingo too (MBA’s teach you #1 & #2).
3. Act irrational. You’ll fit right in. The best combination is to laugh very loudly while maintaining a distinct air of concern over the quarterly budget. It also helps to learn to swear at the right times.
4. Delay making decisions as long as possible. No decision is better than a bad decision. When finally making a decision, have someone else do it so they can take the blame.
5. Act as macho and manly as possible. Any hint of femininity, and you’re doomed. Glass ceilings do exist (not that it is right – just the other day I noticed that the men’s restroom near the executive portion of my building has twice as many urinals as any other men’s restroom, hmmmm).
6. Stay away from your office. You’ll look buzy. It also prevents you from having to make decisions (see #4).
7. Learn Demings 14 points . . . and then do the exact opposite of most of them. Make sure you forget them eventually too, otherwise you might know too much to fit in.
8. Last, but most important of all: Learn to play golf. It is more important than the MBA.
